You're Having My Baby

I've been thinking alot recently about pregnancy & girls my age having babies. When I was younger the topic was taboo, no on etalked about it & no one wanted to hear about it... it should have stayed that way. In school we learned about contraception, how to use it, & what happens if we don't. Now the schools are practically encouraging us to get knocked up. CDCI East recently started a program called Teen Education and Mothering (TEAM) which helps young mothers with getting their education & learning how to be a parent; it alos provides child care. Personally, I am 100% against this as was the community around the school. When I was 13 my cousin (who was 16 at the time) got pregnant, she was forced to drop out & care for herslef & her child on her own; she learned the consequences of her actions. Nowadays are being supported by the government, their parents, the schools & even the media. There is a girl my age with her 3rd kid on the way. With all of this support these girls aren't learning anything. They are just going to keep making these kids which our taxes are going to pay for because they can't spend $7 on a box of condoms. These people should be sterilized, but instead they get celebrity in shows like Teen Mom, Secret Life & even Glee. I understand making mistakes but there's never an excuse for unprotected sex. I have always been told not to do something unless I'm ready to face the consequences, how many of these girls are really ready for a kid? I wasn't when I started having sex, now they start younger & younger it's only goin to get worse. I am not blaming the media, the parents, the government or the schools... I blame the stupid little teenage girls that are having unprotected sex & having babies.

Keep Holding On.

It's been a while since I've been able to update (not that anyone reads this anyways) but I feel as though recently my life as taken a turn for the better. At the end of June I felt as though my life was over & almost considered taking it; my boyfried of 10 months left me without warning, I didn't get in to college & I aged out of cadets. I felt as though there was nothing left to live for. I decided to stay home from Blackdown because after loosing all that it was a bad idea to just & leave the few things I did have.

I stayed home & spent the summer with my friends and family. This was the first summer I was able to do whatever I felt like. I finally got to be a normal teenager, go to parties, get wasted, chill with friends & sleep till 2. I know that to you this is just the average teenage experience but as a cadet I spent my summers up by 5 am and working all day, this summer was liberating for me. My teen years were spent with me trying to be perfect. I needed the perfect boyfriend, the perfect friends, the perfect schedule... this summer I just had random experiences & it was the best of my life.

After James left I was a wreck for weeks. I cried daily & all I did was think about him. This summer made me realise something I wish I had realised 4 years ago... I don't need him or any other man to be happy. I thought I needed a man to be happy & feel beautiful, I needed to constant reassurance of someone else. Today I woke up & for the first time in my life, I looked in a mirror & felt beautiful. I didn't need James or anyone else to say it. It was amazing.

I have been friends with Alanna now for 7 years & ever since we became friends I always felt like the 'ugly' friend. When she & I go out she gets all of the male attention. This feeling worsened this summer after she startng dating a man I hated. I thought I was going to lose her & she is the best friend I have had or will ever have. This is the first time she's had a boyfriend & I haven't. She is beautiful & a great person, I am not sure why but I feel so inferior compared to her. I'm working on it, I am even nice to her boyfriend. She has done everything for me, I am even living with her right now, I owe her this much.

Over all I have learned some life lessons. I don't need a man, I'll always have my amazing friends and things always get better.