You're Having My Baby

I've been thinking alot recently about pregnancy & girls my age having babies. When I was younger the topic was taboo, no on etalked about it & no one wanted to hear about it... it should have stayed that way. In school we learned about contraception, how to use it, & what happens if we don't. Now the schools are practically encouraging us to get knocked up. CDCI East recently started a program called Teen Education and Mothering (TEAM) which helps young mothers with getting their education & learning how to be a parent; it alos provides child care. Personally, I am 100% against this as was the community around the school. When I was 13 my cousin (who was 16 at the time) got pregnant, she was forced to drop out & care for herslef & her child on her own; she learned the consequences of her actions. Nowadays are being supported by the government, their parents, the schools & even the media. There is a girl my age with her 3rd kid on the way. With all of this support these girls aren't learning anything. They are just going to keep making these kids which our taxes are going to pay for because they can't spend $7 on a box of condoms. These people should be sterilized, but instead they get celebrity in shows like Teen Mom, Secret Life & even Glee. I understand making mistakes but there's never an excuse for unprotected sex. I have always been told not to do something unless I'm ready to face the consequences, how many of these girls are really ready for a kid? I wasn't when I started having sex, now they start younger & younger it's only goin to get worse. I am not blaming the media, the parents, the government or the schools... I blame the stupid little teenage girls that are having unprotected sex & having babies.

Keep Holding On.

It's been a while since I've been able to update (not that anyone reads this anyways) but I feel as though recently my life as taken a turn for the better. At the end of June I felt as though my life was over & almost considered taking it; my boyfried of 10 months left me without warning, I didn't get in to college & I aged out of cadets. I felt as though there was nothing left to live for. I decided to stay home from Blackdown because after loosing all that it was a bad idea to just & leave the few things I did have.

I stayed home & spent the summer with my friends and family. This was the first summer I was able to do whatever I felt like. I finally got to be a normal teenager, go to parties, get wasted, chill with friends & sleep till 2. I know that to you this is just the average teenage experience but as a cadet I spent my summers up by 5 am and working all day, this summer was liberating for me. My teen years were spent with me trying to be perfect. I needed the perfect boyfriend, the perfect friends, the perfect schedule... this summer I just had random experiences & it was the best of my life.

After James left I was a wreck for weeks. I cried daily & all I did was think about him. This summer made me realise something I wish I had realised 4 years ago... I don't need him or any other man to be happy. I thought I needed a man to be happy & feel beautiful, I needed to constant reassurance of someone else. Today I woke up & for the first time in my life, I looked in a mirror & felt beautiful. I didn't need James or anyone else to say it. It was amazing.

I have been friends with Alanna now for 7 years & ever since we became friends I always felt like the 'ugly' friend. When she & I go out she gets all of the male attention. This feeling worsened this summer after she startng dating a man I hated. I thought I was going to lose her & she is the best friend I have had or will ever have. This is the first time she's had a boyfriend & I haven't. She is beautiful & a great person, I am not sure why but I feel so inferior compared to her. I'm working on it, I am even nice to her boyfriend. She has done everything for me, I am even living with her right now, I owe her this much.

Over all I have learned some life lessons. I don't need a man, I'll always have my amazing friends and things always get better.

Old TV... A Woman's Bible!

I try to watch Sex & the City (cancelled 2004) at least once a week simply because in 80% of the episodes... I can relate! This show documents 4 women between the ages of 25 & 40 dealing with single life, dating & sex in Manhattan; I find it strange that a 17 year old girl in Cobourg can relate. I just watched an episode about a 'fuck buddy, a man a girl runs back to every time she ends just to have mindless sex & forget about the last guy; I CAN RELATE! Another, features a woman that has a problem with the way her man’s ‘junk’ is… displayed; for his sake I won’t explain exactly the problem but I CAN RELATE!
Modern television spends too much time on special effects & hot men to let the audience relate to the story; how do they expect me to relate to 2 very attractive, demon hunting brothers or a sexy, bisexual, doctor with Huntington’s Disease? Modern media makes relation a lot more difficult; in shows from the late 80’s & early 90’s were the easiest to relate to. People relate to shows like Seinfeld, 4 friends sitting around talking about nothing; or Friends, a group of friends with relationship and friendship issues. Sex & the City is the biggest one for women. Relationships are what builds life; whether the be in love or friendship. It has actually helped me become this sex goddess (lmfao!), good friend & great girlfriend I am. It has also helped me put a relationship behind me that I thought I could never let go. I am a woman in love & I plan on staying that way.

Words of Love & Pure Romance

Okay, I am just full of opinions today and this is one I have to get this one right out in the open. I am so tired of hear people groan about their ex love or crush. IF THEY DON'T LIKE YOU, GET THE FUCK OVER IT!!!! I'll admit I'm guilty of it but I'm not guilty of doing it for months and months and months. I have so many friends that just complain about their ex being the one for them or their crush is the love of their life. Or when you're dating someone for 2 days, you’re in love and you'll be together forever... usually those are the relationships that last 2 weeks or less. Usually these are the people that 'go out' with someone just for the sake of saying they have a bf/gf. It's pathetic and sad. I admit again that I'm guilty of it. It's usually 6, 7, 8 & 9th graders and it's cute then but in the 11th & 12th grades, it's just really annoying. What makes me laugh about these is the breakup; the one dumped is so heartbroken the go all depressed and shit; all I ever say to these people is: you're being a retard, how long did u guys date? 2 weeks. GET THE FUCK OVER IT!!! lmao!

I am the Warrior!

I am in a group of friends where most people are socially awkward (as I used to be) and like I used to be these people are venerable in relationships because they like the attention and affection. I used to be a lot like this but I was tired of being stepped on and hurt; some of my friends don't realize that they're being stepped on and if I warn them I seem to be a know-it-all or just a plain bitch. I've decided to warn the assholes/bitches that decide to fuck with them because they wanna get some and they know they'll get it because these people are emotionally weak. There are 2 girls in particular that keep fucking with my friends (going through em' pretty fuckin quickly) and if these bitches fuck with one more of my friends I will personally fuck them up. I am a good friend and I am VERY protective of my friends. I suggest to those people looking for a quick fix to find someone else... my friends deserve better than you.

A Rose by Any Other Name...

Friends and family tell me to ignore it; eventually the cruelness will subside when they get bored. They call me cruel hurtful names so here's what I'm gonna do; I am gonna define most of the names I've been called and tall you whether or not they are correct or incorrect:

Cunt: A synonym for a woman's genitalia, vagina, pussy, etc.
So, his is clear, I have a cunt but I am not one

Slut: Refers to a sexually promiscuous person, usually female
I am not promiscuous; promiscuity comes from having MANY sexual partners.

Dirty Bitch: A woman who loves to be fucked in all holes. A bitch that enjoys having sex in every position imaginable, usually with two or more partners.
There are so many things wrong with that, I've lost count.

Skank: Derogatory term for a (usually younger) female, implying trashiness or tackiness, lower-class status, poor hygiene, flakiness, and a scrawny, pockmarked sort of ugliness. May also imply promiscuity, but not necessarily.
I may have low status but my hygiene is superb, I'm not a flake, nor am I scrawny.

Whore: A woman who sleeps with you for something in exchange, usually money.
I have never in my life exchanged sex for money or anything else in that matter.

Dyke (my personal favourite): Derogatory term used to refer to a lesbian; commonly towards a lesbian with more masculine physical characteristics/mannerisms; Offensive to many people.
Why should I take offence to this? I am not a homosexual and mostly ex boyfriends call me this.

Dirt: used as a label for a person that is low on the social ladder, either because of unfettered promiscuity, poor personal hygiene, or any other indicator of social status
Okay, I'll take this one. I am low on the social ladder but not for the reasons listed. I would never sell my soul to be on their social ladder.

After 7 Weeks at Blackdown

Well... this is the longest 7 weeks of my life. I was at Blackdown Cadet Summer Training Centre as a seargent in India Company. I loved the job but it was long, stressful, tiring & totally worth it. I worked in 35 plt as 2 sect. sgt.

I worked under WO. Claudio Abreu; Claudio was a good guy but totally new to what was needed in his role. I spent all summer babying him and reminding him that the kids were 12 and he couldn't say 'fuck' every other word.

Jacob Bos was my fellow section sgt and my Blackdown brother; there were too many times he saved my ass. There was one time I flipped on Claudio and if Jacob hadn't have been there I would've smacked Claudio and lost my job. Jacob and I were a dream team, we worked all summer togther and were so helpful to eachother. I love Jake and I miss him like mad.

Alexander Borgers was he guys I was interested in at the beginning of camp. He was a strange boy and I thought he was sweet but I was mistaken. A great friends but waaaaay too different to be anything more :p

James Wakelim was litterally my BEST friend at Blackdown, we had so much in common and if he wasn't there I probably would've taken a personal. Everyone kept saying there was a romantic chemestry and we thought they were crazy; we were best friends and being anything more was nuts. In the last week we discovered that maybe there was more. I feel for that boy and he seems to really care for me. It's 3 hrs. from Moorefield to Cobourg but if he wants to make the drive... I'm not stopping him.

These were great weeks spent at Blackdown, I made friends and I fell in love. I can't wait for next year,